52. Give, give, and give.

The woman shall give her time, her talent, and her treasures however and whenever she can.

Giving feels sooooooooooo good - no matter the check size, level of recognition, nor recipient - it feels good, yields good, and it is good.

We've been taught to give as part of who we are.  As members of religious communities, citizens of this generous country, and as participants in global humanity, we give. 

We give when natural disasters occur.
We give to the tin cup held by those without homes.
We give to United Way campaigns directly from our paychecks.
We give to the Girl Scouts when we buy cookies.
We give to numerous causes through the donate-a-dollar option at the cash register.
We tithe.
We volunteer.
We mentor.

Giving is a habit and attitude that is ingrained in our culture both for the benefit of others...
and ourselves. 

What we don't always do, and what I certainly haven't always done, is give regularly.  I've given cheerfully, but not consistently.  I'm working on that piece, and there have been a couple tools to help me along the way. If you're working on the same thing, hopefully, these ideas can help you along your way.

1. Research and become a member of an organization that you wish to support.  Out of sight, out of mind, right?  Well.....keep giving back in your sight:)  Research the organizations that you care the most about.  What's your passion? 

I bet there's a phenomenal organization that enacts a mission in
advocacy
healthcare
the arts
education
social services
that you really dig. 

For the past years, I've researched awesome organizations and asked them to sign me up!

Even though I don't live near all the organizations, contributions help ensure that I support their work for all the communities they serve.  As a member,  I receive frequent reminders about campaigns, fundraising drives, and end-of-year contribution opportunities, which keeps giving back on my radar.

2.  Serve as a board member.  Being a board member offers such great discourse about active giving for a specific purpose.  It's my second year as a board member of the Community Investment Network, and being a part of this dynamic organization has been incredibly enriching.  Giving back is a major component of board service, and it's a privilege to know that you're supporting an organization's work at this level. It makes you responsible about your giving.

3.  Give through automatic deduction.  I was over the moon when an organization that I like to contribute to incorporated an automatic deduction tool to coordinate monthly contributions.  If the organization asked me EVERY month for a donation, that might get annoying.  For me to give a certain amount automatically (and receive an automatic thank you note) each month - I can get down with that!  Take a look at Justgive.org to learn more.


4.  Read about giving.   Check the excerpt from the Good Book below.  We know there are more academic sources, but this is where it all starts for me.  If there are other scriptures that you wish to share, let us know!

Luke 6:38

New International Version (NIV)
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
New Living Translation
"Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full--pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back."

49. Royal Gametime

The informed woman shall avoid phoning, texting, sexting, arranging dates, and/or planting seeds of argumentative discourse prior to, during, and immediately after major professional and/or college games of any sport.

We're fresh off the Louisville beat-down over Michigan in the NCAA finals, and I'm remembering a thoughtful Facebook reminder from my highly evolved gentleman friend Antoine in Raleigh.

During the game, he typed off the wise notion that ladies should avoid facilitating any deep, meaningful conversations (in person, via phone or text) during the hours of the televised game, as we'll be left bewildered and bemused at the one-sided conversation.

That's why I got a message first thing the next morning. Duh!

48. Lovely Loungewear

The woman shall incorporate in her wardrobe key pieces that are suitable for grocery store visits, lounging with friends, and midnight clandestine visits to the coffee shop (or other covert locations).

There is no excuse for anyone - let alone the highly evolved woman - to leave her home in anything remotely similar to pajamas.  There shall be none of the Hello Kitty PJ pants or SpongeBob sweatshirts outside of the comfort of a woman's home.

My good friend Becky in Ottawa always disciplined us for wearing the stretchy pants in public - thanks for that!  The act of putting on yoga pants or sweats is no more easier than putting on a nicely fitting pair of jeans, and if you know what you have available, it take no more time to select them either.

If you're not going to a yoga session, don't wear yoga pants when you're out and about.

If you're not going to the gym, ditch the spandex and sweats.

If you're not going to bed....I can't even go there.

Have a reliable uniform for your emergency trips out - something you can count on to keep you looking polished and put-together with minimal effort. 

You never know who you're going to run into - and where y'all might end up! 

47. Morning Hair

The woman shall always do something to her hair (brush, wrap, pin, tie, slick down, or cover) before facing the scrutiny of the public eye. 

From simply looking at a woman's hair, one can tell when a woman has just rolled out of bed, weathered a windstorm, or is stressed out.  There is no excuse, ladies for us to look unkempt, disheveled, or lazy.

I had a 7:30 a.m. team meeting in NYC this past Thursday morning, and some of my lady colleagues looked a hot mess.  You could smell the sleep on them!  I'm the only Negrita on my team, and so our hair stories might read a bit differently.  Maybe it's just me, but it's so easy to run a comb/brush through your hair, and my Caucasian lovelies have it a bit easier here, it seems. 

No matter our texture, curl pattern, or courseness, our appearance is such a reflection of our attention to detail, our hygiene, and our professionalism.  We gotta get it together!

Start with a $100 hair cut.  It's so worth it!  Be sure to choose a stylist who knows your hair texture, has the wisdom to observe the shape and structure of your face, and can give you a cut that suits your lifestyle.  I abhor doing my hair in the morning (I've been a naturally curly girl since 1998, y'all!), but I take heed to honor the necessity of a well-suited hair cut.

Next, have your products and tools handy at all times.  Pop a brush in your bag.  Have some curl spritz handy to pump up a diminishing mane throughout the day.  Carry bobby pins in your wallet to pin down naughty tendrils.  Know your hair, and know what it takes to maintain a polished look throughout your day.

Grandmom always said that a woman's hair is her glory.   I don't use hot combs or coconut hair grease anymore, but the adage remains golden so many years later.

44. Sunday Best

The woman shall, when attending a Christian church, dress accordingly to honor her environment, her faith, and the special meaning of Sunday service.

This is a special note, and it's a very personal one that not all readers will agree with, and that's okay.  Feel free to check out the next law:)

I'm just back from Easter service, and as a faithful southern church goer, I get excited about dressing up for church.  Back in the day, I can remember white patent leather shoes, frilly dresses and sometimes a white hat with a pastel ribbon - oh, and a purse to match!  Easter was a special time in my childhood, and it was the introduction to all things prim, proper, and ladylike.

We now live in an age where everything is casual.  There are casual Fridays, casual dating, casual dinner, etc.  Some people do prefer that - but every once in a while special events, dating someone special, and going somewhere special puts a twinkle in our eye.  For me, Sunday morning church service brings that twinkle.

I was really suprised during service today - Easter Sunday - to see so much casual attire on such a special day.  This seemed like a dressy church (you can always tell by the hats that the elder mothers of the church wear), and it was a bit disruptive to see fishnets, baseball caps, and lingerie -inspired dresses. 

I've picked up a few fashion rules from church divas, and here are a few to share:

1. If you're wearing a short-ish skirt/dress, carry a cloth handkerchief or a scarf to cover your knees (thanks to Miss Chris from Charleston).
2. Always cover your back.  Event if your dress is spare back there, carry a cardigan (thanks to Renee in NYC).
3. If you're wearing closed toe pumps, wear hose.  To pick your color, check out this Law.  

I understand that people must wear what they have and that attire should never prohibit one from attending church - that's not what this law is about. Rather, this law is about preserving the special meaning of Sunday service. There was a time when you had your Sunday best, and that's what you gave to God on His special day - your best. Perhaps this law is also about missing a simpler, more reverent time. Maybe this lil' law is just for me. Well, it's for me and all the Carrie's of the world who wear gloves to service.

37. Desktop Chocolates

The woman shall, in her workplace environment, offer on a desk or table a bowl that remains constantly full of assorted chocolates.

Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what your're gonna get.  But you do know that it'll be sweet:)

Many moons ago, a beloved supervisor offered a glass bowl full of miniature chocholates on a desk in her office.  The bowl was symbolic of generosity, kindness, and very good taste.  The bowl, which always stayed full of the tastiest in sweet delectable fare, soothed tense meetings, brought great fundraising agreements to a close, and invited non-visitors to her office just to chat.

I've picked up the same practice over the career years.  I have a gorgeous bowl that I keep full of Lindor Chocolates (which have gorgeous wrappers!), and it brings about so much great conversation - especially with unexpected visitors! 

35. Cleaning Ladies

The woman shall impart tokens of gratitude to other women in the industries of hospitality and facility services who make her life easier and her environs more beautiful.

This law carries special meaning because at a few points in my adult life, I was the cleaning lady, and it meant so much when clients tipped well, shared moments of humour, and sprinkles of encouragement.   

Now that the Residence Inn has become more of a homebase than a weeklong stay, I'm sure to leave great tips - giftcards to Target, a bowl of Lindor chocolates, and a personal thank you note.

This law is inspired by Miss Sandy, one of the facilities managers at work, who always gives the best advice around men, Thanksgiving dinner, and dressing for winters in North Carolina.

34. Gentleman Friends

The woman shall enjoy, indulge in, and learn from her genuinely platonic friendships with gentleman counterparts.

We love our girlfriends!  However, there is an undeniable value of having male friends that can offer a completely different point of view, insight into priorities that aren't even on our feminine radar, and participation in masculine activities that we'd otherwise prefer not to encourage.

Prime example - I've never been into the techie part of choosing TV's.  Matter of fact, I don't even own a TV (I live in hotels, and that's a totally separate post).  However, spending time with two of the coolest cats I know this past weekend showed me the universe that I've been ignoring.  We watched one of the Transformers movies (was it 2 or 3?), and the 3D imaging on that huge screen was astounding! 

While I'm usually uplifted by a new shade of coral in the OPI nail color line, spending some time bonding with my male buddies (and enjoying the awesome surround sound, too!) showed me a world that's quite different from my own.  Also, since we're not romantically tied, there was no nervousness, flirtation, or unreal expectations - just straight up kickin' it. I think we need more of that in our world.

Thanks for being my buddies, Antoine (soon to be Raleigh, NC) and Peter (Charlotte, NC).

33. Foreign Language Expression

The woman shall master the appropriate pronunciation, execution, and delivery of a cultural term in a foreign language.

While "oy vey" and "Dios mio" have become part of the English vernacular in the US, offering a less recognizable term can add excitement and mystery to any conversation.

Whether your term is adopted from a movie (like the memorable Bomboclat! warned by maid Odessa Montero, played by Gabourey Sidibe in Tower Heist) or taken from your own experience in a foreign country (like how I picked up vaffanculo in Italy - NOT so ladylike!), keep an ear to the ground for ways to express your frustration, jubilation, and thrill in an expression that's not so common.

17. Favorite Sports Teams

The woman shall know the current stats of a favorite team and attempt to talk smack in the presence of rival fans.

The athletic culture is a global phenomenon, and it's a language that most men speak.  It's amazing that a man can talk sports to any other man, and they automatically have a common bond.

I've never been around a crew that heavily talks about, engages in, or participates in tail-gating, game-watching, or talking smack about rival teams. 

This changed a few months ago once I made the decision to become more familiar with the universe of sports - and the Philadelphia Eagles.

I'd recommend picking your favorite city and your favorite sport, and then make an honest effort to follow that that team.  Take a look at the hot players and keep an eye on the game schedule.  You never know who might have mutual team taste.

14. Professional Looking Photos

The woman shall be proud of her marketing outreach opportunities.

This isn't limited to just women - every person who holds a job (or a LinkedIn account) should have a professionally-taken photo at her/his disposal.

It doesn't have to be standard - it can be artsy, creative, and inspirational (like this stunning photo of Judith Jamison).

For ladies, it's imperative - you never know when you'll be honored by an organization (and have to submit a flattering photo for the printed program) or be featured in the newspaper (and have your image viewed by thousands in your community). 

You can't submit that picture that your gal pal took of you looking tipsy at the Rosa Mexicana nor that GlamorShot from 5 years ago. 
You simply can't. 

10. Marriage Manifesto

The woman shall have a confident response to the question "Are you married?"

(For married ladies, skip this post.)

For single ladies, this can be a potentially tumultuous moment reminding us of our singlehood.  I know you can't stand it when you hear, "But you're so {insert complimentary word}.  Why aren't you married?"

It's not a fault/flaw that we're not married, nor is it fully under our control - it's just a circumstance. 

Instead of the typical response of "I just haven't met him yet," craft something that will put a nice bowtie ending to the conversation.

My response is something colorful like, "Well, I'm very eccentric, and once my equally eccentric guy and I meet, we'll get married be very happy."

If you want to really end the coversation, answer the question "Why aren't you married?" with a response like "Because I don't want a divorce."                          *Awkward!