53. The woman shall protect her heart, for everything she does flows from it.

The woman shall, at all times, protect her heart not only from the nuances of romance, but more importantly, from the unintentional relationship-based liabilities hat she may impose on herself. 

Guard your heart, lovelies, not just so you won't get hurt, but more importantly, so that you continue to be the amazing, energetic life source that God (or whoever rocks your universe) intended you to be. 

In our westernized format of processing love and romance, sex and misplaced emotions serve as our relationship compass. That's not how He intended it to be. 

Guard your hearts by not giving it away too quickly.  As women, we give it ALL up WAY too quickly.

Our love.
Our thoughts. 
Our time.
Our bodies.
Our cooking. 

When we give it all up way too quickly, it has multiple serious implications. We send a signal to the man that:

1) He no longer has to place effort nor interest in pursuing a romantic partnership with us.
He's already got it. 

2) He does not have to value us.
We didn't value ourselves to wait for his investment, too.

In the work to establish and build a fulfilling relationship, there's got to be an investment on both sides, and too often, we invest way too soon. As a result, we give it ALL up way too quickly as part of our investment practices. 

Also, when we give it ALL up WAY too quickly, we place undue burdens on the relationship because our own expectations are now out of proportion.

 When we give it all up way too quickly (at a level that has not been matched by our partner), we fast-forward the relationship at an unrealistic speed - which leaves us drunk and falling down.

When I think of how I'll stop giving it ALL up WAY too quickly, I'll base my investment decisions and timeline not only on my man-list, but also on the man-list that I know Mom had in mind for me. 

Trying to get this right,
Allyson

49. Royal Gametime

The informed woman shall avoid phoning, texting, sexting, arranging dates, and/or planting seeds of argumentative discourse prior to, during, and immediately after major professional and/or college games of any sport.

We're fresh off the Louisville beat-down over Michigan in the NCAA finals, and I'm remembering a thoughtful Facebook reminder from my highly evolved gentleman friend Antoine in Raleigh.

During the game, he typed off the wise notion that ladies should avoid facilitating any deep, meaningful conversations (in person, via phone or text) during the hours of the televised game, as we'll be left bewildered and bemused at the one-sided conversation.

That's why I got a message first thing the next morning. Duh!

40. Man Fasts

The woman shall, during periods of dating-life suffocation, interupt the season of romantic pursuits by engaging in a purpose-filled man-fast.

You'd think that after 16 years of practicing something, you'd be good at it right?  That's how long I, along with several highly regarded girlfriends, have been dating, and we haven't found the right stride in quite some time.

We've had some great relationships in our past, but dating in our 30's is very different from dating in our 20's, and sometimes this calls for an evaluation of what we want for our lives.  For the past year, I've buried myself in an extravaganza of failed attempts to make doomed relationships work, and I am sooooooooooo tired.  I feel like the dating life has beat me up - literally.  I've lost sleep, experienced ups and downs with my appetite, and observed lots of lows in the feel-good hormones section.

After my last encounter with a relationship renegade, my good girlfriends talked me into a month-long manfast.  For the next 24 days, I'll not pursue empty love, drool over secret cruches, or stalk former love interests on Facebook.  That's a waste of time. 

I've been engaged in the manfast for about a week now, and my energy has definitely shifted for the better.  Here are a few tips that I've jotted down to keep me (and my accountability partner) on track:

Rules of the manfast:

1. We'll not advance commitments of time, energy, and space towards romantic possibilities.  We'll spend time if asked, but the suggestion cannot come from us.
2. We'll not give any headspace to men.romance.sex.relationships.   If we catch ourselves daydreaming about a wedding, we'll do yoga.
3. We'll not aggrandize genuine interest from highly evolved gentlemen.  Instead, we'll take it at face value and let the pace define itself. 

We'll let you know how the monthlong story goes.

24. Traveling with a Gentleman Friend

The woman shall determine, prior to departure for a trip with a kind gentleman, what her relationship is with him, and her financial commitment to the trip shall reflect that level of interaction.

This one you must look at on a case by case basis, friends. 

If you know you and a guy you're traveling with are absolutely friends, be sure to split everything - cabs, bar tabs, hotel (if you're sharing a room), etc. - down the middle.  That way, you can feel confident that you're not setting up any false expectations.  Not that your guy friend (if he is indeed a genuine friend) would expect anything by covering more than you, but splitting all bills will give you the assurance that at the very least, he shouldn't.

If you and the guy are more than friends, work out with said more-than-friend what the fee structure will be before you make reservations for that Tier 2 hotel.  A guy once suggested a trip to me.  He said "I wanna take you to {insert desirable resort town}" and he asked me to make reservations...using my credit card. 

When I got the guts to ask him how we'd be handling the hotel bill (perhaps two weeks before the trip), he was more wishy-washy than Tide Ultraclean.  Needless to say, I canceled the reservations- and my further investment in a relationship with him.

11. Prenuptial Agreements

The woman shall know the financially measurable value of her investment in a marriage.

In the dating world of the fabulous, it's abolutely imperative that you know where you stand on these papers.  I was on a first date with a really great guy (a tad older, and with many accomplishments, mind you!) and he posed the question around how I felt about prenups.  I was stunned! 

Be serious about your future - and protecting yourself and your family. 

For me, I hate thinking about divorce before marriage is even in the picture.  However, I do want to be secure, and I'd want my husband to feel secure, too.

So my stance is this: 

If we get a divorce, I get half.
If we get a divorce and you're caught cheating, I get half plus $1M in emotional damages.

10. Marriage Manifesto

The woman shall have a confident response to the question "Are you married?"

(For married ladies, skip this post.)

For single ladies, this can be a potentially tumultuous moment reminding us of our singlehood.  I know you can't stand it when you hear, "But you're so {insert complimentary word}.  Why aren't you married?"

It's not a fault/flaw that we're not married, nor is it fully under our control - it's just a circumstance. 

Instead of the typical response of "I just haven't met him yet," craft something that will put a nice bowtie ending to the conversation.

My response is something colorful like, "Well, I'm very eccentric, and once my equally eccentric guy and I meet, we'll get married be very happy."

If you want to really end the coversation, answer the question "Why aren't you married?" with a response like "Because I don't want a divorce."                          *Awkward!

5. The Woman List

The woman shall know what she expects of herself at all times.
 

Ladies, at some point in our lives, we've developed the overflowing (and sometimes impractical) Man List.  When it comes to relationships, let's start creating lists about ourselves- this will keep us a bit more grounded in building a more delightful, attractive, and life-loving self, and it will also help keep us focused on becoming better women all-around.

4. Efforts to Compromise - or Not

The woman shall know how flexible she should - or should not be - in specific issues that surface in relationships of a romantic nature.

Every relationship is different, and heck - even YOU'RE different in every relationship that you have. 

So as not to lose yourself (and your mind!) when dealing with gentleman friends, develop a list of 3-5 items that you will not be willing to compromise.  This helps you to remain 100% authentically you in the course of your relationship.  If he's the right guy for you, he'll respect you for it. Plus, it'll stop you from wasting time.

My quick list of Noncompromisables:

1. If he's drowning in debt, been unemployed for 1 year+, or is being sought after for defaulted child support payments, it's a no go.
2. No boinking before monogamy.
3. If he doesn't care about, talk about, or plan anything around a healthy lifestyle, it won't be good for us.  I want him around for a while.

Mine isn't very long - I'm aiming to be more flexible about the small stuff, so I'll purposely keep this list short.  Don't want to miss the love of my life!